Helping Your Child Cope with the Stigma of ADHD

By Meghan Vivo

Parents, teachers, and counselors struggle to find the best ways to work with children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). But the confusion they face pales in comparison to the frustration of living with ADHD yourself. Young people with ADHD must cope not only with the symptoms of the disorder but also the social stigma and prejudices of others.

Does a Stigma Really Exist?

There is a lot of misinformation and misunderstanding among the general public about attention deficit disorder. Despite research to the contrary, there is still a common misconception today that ADD/ADHD isn't a genuine medical condition. People mistakenly believe attention deficit disorders are just an excuse for not wanting to do homework or pay attention in class. Moreover, there is a lot of skepticism surrounding attention deficit medications and the increase in diagnoses and prescriptions occurring in recent years.

Researchers at Indiana University, University of Virginia, and Columbia University interviewed 1,400 adults about their perspectives on children with attention deficit disorder. Thirty-one percent believed that children with ADHD would be dangerous to others, yet only 46 percent were able to identify the symptoms, treatments, and causes of ADHD. These findings showed a marked lack of information and a social bias against young people with ADHD.

Similarly, a study appearing in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior about the attitudes of adults toward children with mental health problems showed that roughly one in five adults was unwilling to have children with ADHD or depression living next door, in his child's class, or as his child's friend.

Each of the 1,393 adult participants in the study heard a vignette that included a brief behavioral description of one of four different children: a child with ADHD, a child with depression, a child with "normal troubles," and a child with asthma. When a child with symptoms of ADHD or depression was described, the percentage of adults who were unwilling to engage with the child or the child's family was double or triple the number unwilling to interact with the child with "normal troubles" or asthma.

Another study, published in the Journal of Attention Disorders, showed that adults with ADHD confront a similar stigma. A group of 257 undergraduates enrolled at a public university reviewed pictures and descriptions of six same-age peers, which classified each individual with one of three difficulties: ADHD, a medical issue (e.g., asthma or allergies), or a more general difficulty such as being a perfectionist. After reviewing each description, researchers asked the participants to rate on a scale of 1 (very unlikely) to 6 (very likely) how likely they would be to want to work with the individual on a group project, get to know him or her better, and to become friends.

The study participants overall were most negative about having an individual with ADHD as a work partner, though a significant number showed less interest in getting to know individuals with ADHD as well. Males with ADHD were judged more harshly than their female counterparts, with both male and female raters regarding males with ADHD as less desirable partners in most, if not all, of the domains rated. Females with ADHD, on the other hand, received "less desirable" ratings in only two of the five domains.

Overcoming the ADHD Stigma

All of the evidence points to a very real, and very damaging, stigma associated with ADHD. Although you can't control the thoughts and reactions of the general public, you, the parent, can control your own behaviors. Here are a few steps you can take to minimize the impact of the stigma of ADHD and help your child boldly face the challenges before him:

Re-evaluate your parenting perspective. Most parents are unsure how to handle the news that their child has attention deficit disorder. If you respond negatively, with embarrassment or anger, your child will pick up on those feelings and adopt them as her own. Remind yourself that the ADHD diagnosis means your child has a different way of experiencing the world, and your family can and will adapt. Research shows it is also important for parents of children with ADHD to maintain high expectations of their child. If you see your child as "disabled" or mentally ill, your child will modify her behavior to suit your expectations.

Don't shame your child into secrecy. Treating an ADHD diagnosis as a secret sends the message that the disorder is something to be ashamed of. Talk openly about ADHD at home and make sure your child feels comfortable describing his symptoms, challenges, and special talents with others, if he so chooses.

Teach your child to become a self-advocate. The more information your child has about her disorder, the better equipped she will be to manage her condition and explain it to others. Help your child come up with a description of ADHD and how it impacts her behavior. ADHD shouldn't be used as an excuse to justify poor behavior, but it may help explain why she has a hard time focusing or staying organized. Also prepare her to handle negative reactions or stereotyping by identifying inappropriate remarks and practicing constructive responses. By law, certain accommodations are required for children with ADHD and other conditions so be sure your child knows her rights and feels comfortable asking for the necessary supports.

Boost your child's confidence. Young people with ADHD often struggle socially, in part because of increased difficulty picking up on social cues, but also because of discrimination from other students, their parents, and even teachers. It's tough to face criticism and judgment every day. It's even tougher for a child who has internalized negative stereotypes and sees himself as "defective" or inferior to other children. At this point, many kids give up on themselves and their prospects for success.

The better your child feels about herself, the more likely she is to excel in school, make friends, and create plans for the future. Frequent praise from parents and reward systems (using stickers or other benefits to reinforce positive behaviors) can be powerful motivators. Make every effort to catch your child being good rather than harping on the negative behaviors.

Once you know his strengths and talents, encourage your child to participate in activities that create plenty of opportunities for success. If your child is easily overwhelmed or distracted, invite over one friend at a time and keep free time structured and focused on one activity at a time. Nurture your child's independence by helping him stay organized with different colored folders for school, breaking projects into manageable components, and keeping his school belongings in one place so he can get himself ready for school in the morning. A child who can take care of his own basic needs will feel empowered to take on additional responsibilities.

Find camps and schools that can help. There is no way to escape the realities of the world we live in. But for kids with ADHD, opportunities to be around other kids struggling with similar challenges and to play and have fun without judgment or criticism can be deeply rewarding. Aspen Education Group offers a range of programs for children with ADHD, including therapeutic boarding schools, wilderness therapy programs, and summer camps, to help children and adolescents learn how to manage their disorder, build self-esteem, and improve academic and social performance.

For example, Stone Mountain School in North Carolina and New Leaf Academy with campuses in Oregon and North Carolina specialize in working with young people with ADHD and other learning differences. With increased structure, small class sizes, individualized attention, outdoor activities and hands-on learning, and special support services, these therapeutic boarding schools have made a significant difference in the lives of teens with ADHD.

Another popular option for shorter term treatment is a summer camp, like Talisman Camps in North Carolina or Camp Huntington in New York, which cater specifically to children with ADHD and other special needs. While enjoying traditional summer camp activities, campers also learn practical life skills, make friends, and feel good about themselves and their place in the world, sometimes for the first time in their lives.

Despite the fact that the world would be an incredibly boring place if everyone was the same, many in our society display a lack of patience and understanding for people who are different in any way. One the greatest lessons you can teach your child, whether diagnosed with ADHD or not, is compassion. When we all learn to respect each other's differences and appreciate one another's unique talents, the ADHD stigma will become a happily forgotten memory of the past.

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